- Fictitious men in locker rooms won’t (for whatever reason) stare at your penis and laugh
- Snobbish girls will want to sleep with you because you’re not uncut
- It will take you 2-5 seconds less in the shower to clean up
- You won’t be unable to handle the amount of sensation you’ll receive from your now keratinized glans
- You won’t suffer the burden of those extra 20,000 nerve endings
- Besides, nature intended the penis to be circumcised!
Thank goodness your parents mutilated you!